In The Demon's Head: My Problems With 50 Shades of Gray...

In The Demon's Head #66: My Problems With 50 Shades Of Gray....

October 9, 2012

Hello everyone and happy Tuesday. I talked about doing it last week and I intend to fully deliver on my promise. Before I begin to write this though I'd like to let everyone know that this isn't a post of jealousy, this isn't a post of hate, this is just my opinion on the 50 Shades of Gray books and why I have such a huge problem with them. I can't really say much in the way of sales because let's face it this book has sold 25 Million copies in 4 months that's pretty damn impressive. However...

My problem with this series is this, IT'S WRITTEN BY A SIXTH GRADER. No not literately but the book reads and feels like it was written by a sixth grader. Holy shit, and before anyone gets all offensive and angry and asks me have I read the book? The answer is HELL NO. However, while pondering my local Barns and Noble I did sit down for a few short minutes and picked up the Big Print Copy of this book to browse through. The big print is nearly twice the size of a regular print and I couldn't even make it through the first page....

Now I have no problem with the erotic novel either. I've even written a few erotic short stories, but I mean seriously my first draft of my short story had more life to it then the finished product of this book. I want to know how in the hell has anyone had the brain power to finish this book. Let me give you an example of what I'm saying here... My wonderful girlfriend, Liz reads Nightworld and other such vampire books and I tease her for the simplicity of them but to each their own. When she picks up the book and wants to mark all over due to some horrible grammar and won't even buy it because of how horrible the story is then that is a testament to how crappy this book really is.

Now at the risk of this burning a bridge or two (should the post ever been seen by that many eyes) I'd like to talk directly to first the editor of this book. Yes, I understand that this book has made a lot of money, this is a fact that I can't argue with but how in the hell can you really be okay with the fact that you let that book run by you and you didn't do anything at all to make it above the sixth grade reading level. What's worse is if you actually did something and jacked it up to that level then I would have hated to seen the actual original copy of the book. But in the end I suppose it's really all about the “Millions of Dollars” I guess if it's what helps you and yours sleep at night then by all means please let it go on.

Second, I'd like to say a word to E.L James. If you ever get a chance to read this post, then I'd love for you to know that while I respect your ability to get a product recognized I have to say that your ability to write a book is completely off course for where things should be. How do I know? I've read Twilight, I've read Harry Potter, I've read Stephen King, I've read Dean Koontz, I've read writing books, I've read dozens of reports, What I'm getting at is that I've read dozens of different things and it makes me sad to say that the most boring of those (which generally are the writing tips books) are still more powerfully written and better put together then your crap of a novel. You should be ashamed for having written such a horrible book. You can say all you want that people will want it, and your right, they may never read a copy of my book and that's fine. I'll continue to write for fun, and I'll do it without writing something that I'm not proud of, and if in fact you are proud of that novel then I'm very sorry to say that your level of pride has to be low.

Now I'm not sure if this is going to earn me any hate mail, I kind of hope so because I'd love to learn your points of view when it comes to this book. So by all means, comment, send me mail here, do whatever it is to show me that I'm wrong, or if you agree why not join on the bandwagon with me whichever side of the fence you fall on then to each their own.

Until the next time you take a trip through the gates of hell and into the demon's head, I'm Kyle Robinson wishing you a safe trip back to the surface.